A new normal...

So after the weekend rode me hard and put me away wet, I woke up early Monday and hit the treadmill. It felt wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Went again today and even tho my ankles were killing me, I really enjoyed my time on the treadmill. And not because it will make me skinny, or make me strong or make me anything. I felt good because I listened to my body, and I moved. I was in the moment and that is what is different.

I have spent the majority of my adult life working out to achieve a result. I would push and push and push to a point of, well, misery. And never paid attention to what was happening while I was working out (usually punishment, certainly not enjoyment, let alone joy.) I always focused on what it was gonna be like when it was all finished. When it made me skinny. But do I really want that? I skinny all that? No. No it isn't. And I learned that long long long ago.

So what I am learning is how to be open to what I want from things. And right now, I think there is a piece of me that wants more space.

I feel like there is a place inside me that knows exactly what I want and need to do to be happy...not to mention healthy. I also think that part is spending more time driving the bus.

I also know that it triggers some part of me that is terrified of this change. I have to make space for that part. Let it have some room to breathe. Some room to take up space. Some room to tell me what it believes about me losing weight, being healthy, spending more time just being and being happy.

I have a real resistance to this. I don't want to give it this space. I want to push it away. Pretend it doesn't exist.

But without making peace with this part, I cannot find my true center, my true north.

My new normal.