Assessing. Reassessing. Trying not to over think it.

So I realized a few days ago that I have been doing this for about 7 weeks now. Actually, it is seven weeks tomorrow.

If I am honest, this is the longest I have ever stuck with a movement/exercise program in over 20+ years. I have done much more intense exercise programs but they would involve 4-5 ridiculously intense days a week and I would stick to it for like 4 weeks and then quit and take to the non exercise bed.

Two years ago that resulted in a nasty case of plantar fasciitis. And I quit.

I don't mean I quit the 2 hour step classes or DVD's 4-5 times a week. I quit every form of exercise. I was never going to do it again.

Can you say black and white thinking???

I was the QUEEN of black and white thinking. I struggle horribly with the idea that I am not doing enough, not vigorous enough, not burning calories enough. And I would push and push and push. And I would never enjoy what I was doing. And no matter what I did, or how toned I got, or how much weight I lost, it was never enough. Never. Ever. Enough. And I never listened to my body.

So when I decided to move again the day after Christmas, I wasn't sure where it came from, and don't really care. But I started. On vacation. At a beautiful resort. In Florida (at 23 degrees) I hit the treadmill almost every day. On the cruise ship, I hit the treadmill or something every day. It didn't feel like exercise, and I felt better.

So the other day, and it was a shitty day, I realized i was just feeling happy. I had no immediate reason to feel happy. Then I realized I have been feeling pretty good more than I have not been feeling pretty good.

I also noticed I have been trying to struggle. And trying to binge (and sometimes succeeding) more than I have in a long time. That protector I talked about the other day...she is feeling very threatened.

What that tells me is something is shifting. Another part, a calmer and wiser and more patient, less dramatic part, has taken over. She gets up and goes to the Y every morning she is supposed to. She takes her rest days. She dances to move when she wants to.

And she doesn't need to over think it.

She also wants me to plan a 10K for some time in June For me to aim for. She is one smart chick because she knows this half marathon is gonna be over in another 7 weeks and she (we) wants to keep it going.