And on to the next...

WOW! it has been almost a month since I last blogged and I want to start doing this again and again to keep myself present and positive.

So one week ago I completed the half marathon!!!!!!!!

It was one of the greatest, most satisfying experiences of my life.

Arriving in that swarm of people was awesome. I got very choked up. Even at the playing of Rocky Top.  The support was amazing, the hills were CRAZY! And the satisfaction of completing this goal was something I haven't experienced in a very long time.

I had some difficult emotional moments the mornings of the race. I was reminded of the mornings before skating competitions. I had a memory of a memory in the past. I knew that something was unpleasant about competition mornings. I knew I always felt trapped and hopeless. And panicky. Very panicky. But never knew why.

Well now I do. The morning of the half marathon I remembered viscerally. I remembered feeling trapped. No matter what I did, it would be wrong. If I lost, I was a failure. If I won, it would be a threat to my mom. If I placed middle of the pack I would be ordinary (probably a message I got from my parents.)

Sooooooo.

That morning I let myself have it. All of it. The experience of the support, both personal and anonymous. The experience and commeraderie of the race. The satisfaction of setting a task and completing it. And showing up for myself. I let myself have that, too.

And I can't stop looking at the pictures!

http://www.asiorders.com/view_user_event_video.asp?EVENTID=79255&BIB=2836