I had 3 days last week where I spent a considerable amount of attention on just having compassion for how hard some of my shit is. I used these three sentences. This is hard. I am so sorry. I love you.
Sounds totally inane when I write that. But it is amazing how well it worked. As you all know through the facebook, this has been a very stressful week with my husband, best friend and majority of my exercise time gone. Tuesday, Wed and most of Thursday I used these sentences and felt such peace and support. Friday, I felt the backlash and binged. I ate a TON of gluten Friday and Saturday. Last night and this morning i have a burning pain under my right upper arm and for about 2 hours had myself convinced this was breast cancer. The fast deadly kind that kills in a year. Then I noticed that the sore on my chin wasn't healing. And I was crazy tired. And remembered exactly how much gluten I had eaten. ALL of these things are gluten. ALL OF THEM.
So today, I spent 5 minutes sitting with that peaceful feeling when it came over me this morning for some random reason. I do not feel comfortable with this feeling of peace and well being. There I said it. So usually I just find a way (numb with food and make myself sick with that huge volume of food) to push it away and make myself feel bad agaon.
So now my focus is on accepting that feeling and learning how to be comfortable with it, because it is one of the best feelings in the world.
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